morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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