I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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