You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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