I will die if light touches me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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