Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
