Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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