toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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