i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
