Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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