I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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