I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
