I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
