Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
