remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
