Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
