8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
