I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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