so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
