The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize