Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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