We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
