Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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