i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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