I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
