New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
