I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
