my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
