If i come over, it means nothing
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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