1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize