In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
