Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
