He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
