Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
