so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
