You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
