my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
