I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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