I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
