ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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