do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
