i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
