i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
