Soap is not a condiment
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
