It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
even my farts smell like vagina
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
