3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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