I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
