god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
