i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
