Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
