I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
