I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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