she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Pooping to opera.
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