By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
