In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
