my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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