he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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