Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
