I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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