i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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