you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
