im holly from the hills drunk
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
