I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
