that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im six kinds of drunk right now
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
