Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
