ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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