it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
