btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
babies were throwing up all over the place
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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