His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize